Will I live, doctor?

This morning I had my eye exam done... and found out that my eye sights has gotten worse. A lot. I mean I knew it had gottten worse because I couldn't read the white board in class (probably because I refuse to sit anywhere near the front area in addition to my eyes getting worse), but I didn't expect it to be this much. I can now proudly(??) announce to the world that I, too, might be qualified for legally blind people's club. So how bad are those eyes of mine? Well, right eye sight is -8.25, and the left eye sight is -5.75. I've never even dreamed about reaching the -8 mark, but I finally made it. Just great. I mean, what did I do to turn it so bad?? I don't think I did anything bad to the eyes, at least not purposely. I'm just afraid my new glass will come out with inch thick glass lenses. It's thick enough now, and they predict that it'll be thicker for like 2mm more. Is that even possible??? I think I've reached the line where wearing glasses isn't the option anymore without my eyes looking normal; may be I should try for contact lenses or LASIK. The problem is that, contact lenses I've tried brands after brands but found it enormousely uncomfortable (the doctor can't find anything that would fit my eyes), and LASIK I heard that it should be done when my eye's aren't getting worse anymore. Also, because I practically grew up with glasses attached to my face, I think my face looks weird without them. May be I just think that way because I'm not used to seeing my face without the glasses, but I really do think it looks better with the glasses. Anyways, the grand total of today's eye adventure was $307, $160 only for the special lenses that would help the lenses to be less thick. God. I dunno what's less expensive, having glasses, contacts, or getting LASIK. May be LASIK will be better in a long run, but I heard that there can be a irreversible side effects.... I want to know what makes the eye sights to go bad in the first place, so I can at least prevent it from going even worse. I just hope that I don't go really blind when I get old.

Rainy dayz

It's very lovely outside... I never knew how easily I can breath with some humidity.
These days I feel like time's running away from me for some reason. I feel like there are tons of things to be done, but not much time. I wish I can somehow stop the time and just rest for a bit. I'm sure a lot of other people feel that way too. And the solution for this would be... Sleep less!!!

what I wrote yesterday but couldn't post bcuz stupid internet died

Uhh I'm getting tired and my head's hurting, a classic sign that tells me I'm really tired. Couple things happened today... let me rewind it back to this morning. This morning my sister's friend came over, and brought DDR with her, again making me to realize how much I suck at that... After that, went to physics lab and almost died from being freezed alive. Oh, and it was very cloudy and humid and rainy day overall, which was just awsome. I haven't exprienced a day like that for a long time, and was practically praying for it in my dreams. I actually missed having to use an umbrella. I should live in place where it rains every other day... So, after that, I decided to go to the Office of International Students to ask about changing my visa status to F1. I got to talk to the advisor very quickly, and she gave me list of things to do to get it processed... which is really complicated, and I think I want to ask one of my friends to help me out on it. Some things are just bit confusing... I don't think they should make it nearly as complicated as it is. Whatever.
After talking with the advisor on a way to the parking garage, I met Lehan. I haven't seen him since last spring semester so I was happy to see him again, but I soon learned that his fiancee broke up with him two weeks ago(returned ring and everything) and now he's leaving U of A to go study in Texas. All I could say was "I'm so sorry" over and over again, cuz I know he must have had hard time even though he kept saying he's all right now. It's so weird that his fiancee would break up with him, cuz they were together for 8 years and they seemed very happy together. I thought they looked cute together. He certainly seemed to like her a lot. He's such a nice guy too. I've never seen him being angry or mean to anybody ever. I don't understand why bad things only happen to good people; he was one of those people I wanted to see as being very happy. Poor him. It made me to say "And I thought I had bad summer" after seeing him. My best wishes of good lucks and happiness to him. I feel kinda sad that he's leaving though, cuz he was a nice seating partner to have. Just because he was such a nice person overall, and easy to talk to. He was the one person who felt really sorry for me for not being able to go to the Mexico music festival with the orchestra, and that helped me to feel better at that time. I wouldn't mind having him as my seating parter for the whole semester. (He might, though lol). I think quite few people from orchestra left now, some graduating and some changing schools. And somebody that I actually want to go away doesn't seem like he's gonna go away anytime soon. Just great. I'd get rid of that dude and bring Lehan back if I could. Arrrg.
After I got home, went out to Walmart with my sister to make an eye exam appointment, and found out that it costs only $49. Wooow. It was something like $60 at Costco and they said I had to wait till August 31st or something. Good deals, good deals~~ I'm looking forward to the appointment and getting a new glass, because I can't see things very well now with the current glass I have now. The eye allergy must have worsened my eye sight. Haaaah. Now I might qualify for legally blind people's group. Also went to Target and TJ max and got some shopping done... I found a small Nautica blanket that's really really super soft and light that I wanted to get, but there was no price tag attached to it. When I asked for a price check, it came out to be $10!! Yes! Where on earth do you find a Nautica blanket that costs only 10 dollars??? That was the best bargain that I got today, and I was really happy. I have weakness for soft blankets and pillows and things like that (Comfy things!!), and I've been looking for something like that for a long time. Good deals...! Oh yeah. Oh, and my returned camera works, except that there are scratch marks outside and the LCD screen shows mysterious small dots on them. But the picture came out nice and clear, so it got a pass from me. I don't want to deal with sending it again and waiting for another week.
I also talked with Cory today online, second time since the summer started. Ok. He's kinda getting annoying now. I never really felt like this about him before, but now he's just annoying me. It's nice that he's finally trying to keep in touch, but all he asks me is just dry things like how things are going with me and that’s it. After that, we don't have much to talk about. And it's so obvious that he's not over Sarah still yet, and he's pretending like he is or he's not admitting/saying that he isn't or I don't even know what. He talked about what Sarah's doing now and stuff, which I know already because we are good friends but it's not really relevant to what I'm doing here. And what am I to him??? A regular friend? Just a person he knows? Someone to have as a back up plan? Why is he talking to me now, and not before? He just frustrates heck out of me. I feel like I'm a bonus material that people don't really care about when buying things they need, but still good to have it around for some use. I feel like he just talks to me so that he can have some ties to her, and so he can have someone who knows her. I don't even feel like he really wants to know how I'm doing either. If he thought of me as at least a friend, he would have contacted me earlier during summer. He obviously has been talking to Sarah throughout summer, so he was capable of keeping in touch with people. What the heck?? Does he really want to know me as a person or not? What is this? Would he even consider talking to me if I wasn’t friend with her in the first place? God, I wish he'd just say things straight out, not making circles around it when it's just plain obvious. It annoys me when he starts talk about Sarah, because I really don’t want to have anything to do with what’s going on between them. The same thing goes with her too, she doesn’t tell me things that I consider she would tell me if she thinks of me as a close friend, especially about guys. She would only tell me things about what’s going on with Cory if I ask her, and the other things I’d just have to get it figured from small things that I notice, which I’m pretty good at and which makes frustrated because she wouldn’t tell me exactly. If only he could be more confident of himself and be able to move on, it wouldn't make me half as frustrated. I don't even know what he wants from me. And I'd hate to be awkward with him either. I'd like to ask him questions, just because he wouldn't tell me anything exactly, but I feel like it's none of my business so I end up resisting my temptations and not ask. May be he does want me to ask him, so he wouldn't have to confess things directly to me. You know, the "I'm only telling you this because you asked me" kind of thing. But still, if people don’t tell me things that I think they should tell me about, I take it as I’m not a good enough person to be trusted, that they don’t really consider me as a friend. Ugh. I just know that when I start going out with some guy, he'd better not be like Cory.

편지

책상서랍 정리를 하다가 예전에 뉴욕에 있을때 한국에 있던 친구들로부터 받던 편지를 열어보았다. 전에 만들었던 편지함(??)이 터질듯이 가득 차 있어서 이번에 그냥 Memory box로 정해서 기억에 남는것들을 저장할 곳을 마련했기 때문에 옜날에 있던 박스를 없에고 새로 만들기로 한거다. 여기와서 받은 카드도 넣고. 뉴욕... 나에게 있어서 정말로 정말로 힘들었던 시간이다. 아무도 못믿고, 하루도 뭔가 알수없는 불안감에 시달려서 맘편히 있을수가 없었다. 이것저것 맘에 들지않는일은 투성이었지만 아무말하지 않았고, 한국에 있을때는 상상도 못해봤을정도로 소극적으로 변해갔다. 밖에서 보이는 나와 안에있는 진짜나를 분리하는법도 그때배웠다. 아무도 눈치체지 못할정도로. 아니, 누가 알았을수도 있다. 하지만 아무도 나에게 위로같은걸 해준사람은 없었고, 그런걸 바라지도 않았거니와 일단 내가 겉으로나마 태연히 지낼수 있다는것에 대해 자부심을 가졌다. 종교에 관한거나 가치관이라거나 그때 가장많이 흔들렸고 고민했다. 내가 정말로 힘들다는건 돈을 들여가면서 나를 뉴욕까지 보내준 부모님을 생각해 겉으로 보여질수 없다고 생각했고, 정말로 가기싫어했던 교회는 고모네집에서 살아야 했기때문에 모순이라는걸 알면서도 억지로 다녔다. 친구도 내가 알던애들과는 너무 다른애들이 많았기 때문에 무조건 접근하기가 어려웠고, 학교에서 친구들은 몇명 있었으나 정말로 내맘에 드는 아이들은 아니였다. 그런 애들과도 겉으론 친한척 했으나 내 마음까지 줄정도의 애들은 아니였다. 정말로의 문제는 내가 한국애있던 애들과 워낙 친해서 다른애들에게 맘을줄 여유가 없었다는 걸수도 있었지만. 불안했다. 한국친구들과는 워낙 친했었기 때문에 내가 잊혀지리라는건 생각하기에도 두려웠다. 그래도 언젠가는 잊혀질 거라는게 내 생각이었다. 그때는 고모네 집에 컴퓨터가 없었다. 내 생일때 부모님께서 돈을 대주셔서 그때 겨우 산거였고 그전에 할수있는 방법이라곤 편지밖에 없었다. 뭐 전화도 할수 있었겠지만 워낙 비싸고 막상 한다고 해도 할말이 별로 없었기 때문에 서먹하기만 할뿐, 편지가 훨씬 나았다. 그때는 편지를 받으면 미친듯이 기뻐하고, 몇주가 지나도록 친구들의 편지가 없으면 극심히 불안해 했다. 드디어 끝난거라고, 난 더이상 걔네들이 편지쓰면서 낭비할 시간과 우표값을 투자할만한 애가 아니게 된거라고 생각했다. 다른 애들과 더 친해졌겠지. 나 없이도 다른애들과 같이 즐겁게 지내고 내생각 따위는 이제 하지도 않을꺼라는 생각이 날 괴롭혔다. 난 절대로 잊지 않을껀데, 다시 만나게 됬을때 서먹하게 나를 별로 신경쓰지 않는다는건 싫었다. 내가 생각해도 소심하지만, 알던사람이라곤 하나도 없는곳에서 혼자 적응해야했던 난 작은거에도 쉽게 흔들렸다. 생각해보니, 한국에서도 약간 혼자서 괜히 슬퍼하고 고민하고 난리치던 기질이 있었던거 같기도 하다 -_-; 어쨌든 메달릴곳은 그거밖에 없었다. 그만큼 힘이 되주었던 편지들이지만, 답장이 오지 않을때는 오히려 고문이었다. 그래도 주제에 있는건 자존심밖에 없는지라 절대로 답장이 안온다고 두번 편지 보내고 그러진 않았다. 오히려 뒤적여 보니까, 친구들은 자기가 편지를 보냈는데 내 답장이 한참이 지나도 안와서 다시 보낸다고 쓰여져 있던것도 있던데 -_-; 각성해야지;; 마음 같아서는 편지를 받자마자 그날로 답장써서 보내고 싶었지만, 그것도 그놈의 자존심때문에 일부러 일주일씩 기다렸다가 써서 보내고 그러기도 했다.

다시 편지를 보면서 여러가지를 느꼈다. 내게 편지로 연락하던 친구들은 하나같이 정이 많다. 정말로 많다. 말도없이 갑자기 떠나버린 나에게 편지로 욕을 하면서도 (한국에 돌아오면 가만 안두겠다는등 -_-;) 꼭 안부를 묻고, 잘 지내는지 걱정해줬다. 그걸 보면서 내가 한일이 정말 잘한일이었는지 생각도 많이했다. 난 도망친거라는 생각이 또 날 괴롭혔다. 한국의 교육과정이 싫어서 미국가면 좀 편해질줄 알고 그토록 소중히 생각했던 친구들을 버리고 혼자서 말도없이 가버렸다. 아니, 말없이 가버린건 친구들을 소중하게 여기지 않아서 그런게 아니였다. 뉴욕으로 간다는 말하고 무슨 송별회(??) 같은거라도 하기라도 하면, 정말 가는앤가보다 하고 맘놓고 날 잊어버릴까봐, 또 난 꼭 다시 돌아올거라는 생각에 그냥 모든거를 내가 한국에 있을때 그대로 처럼두고 가고 싶었다. 떠나던날 생각도 난다. 한개도 잊어버리지 않을라고 노력했다. 정말 하나도 잊어버리고 싶지 않아서 창문밖으로 열씸히 둘러봤다. 덕분에 아직 기억하는건 많지만 잊어버린것도 있는거 같다. 어쨌든, 말없이 도망간 나의 죄(?)로 난 이꼴이 되었다. 지금은 가고싶어도 가지 못한다. 이젠 가고싶다는 생각을 단념했기 때문에 오히려 덤덤하다. 지금은 어떨까? 아직도 연락하고 서로 보고싶다는 말도 하지만 (주로 “너 왜 안오니” “한번 올수는 없는거냐??”) 우리들 사이에는 시간이 많이 지났다. 벌써 여기온지 7년이다. 미국가서 1년안에 돌아올수 있다고 믿었는데, 7년동안 한번도 나가보지 못했다. 그시간동안 서로 다른친구들과 친해지고 바쁜 생활속에 항상 서로를 생각해주지 않는건 당연하다. 가끔가다 좋은 추억이라도 생각나서 내생각을 해준다면 고마운거다. 내생각과는 달리, 그애들은 날 잊어주지 않았다. 괴로움은 어쩌면 나혼자 만든게 아니었을까. 정말로 고맙다.

미나의 편지를 보고 또다른걸 느꼈다. 미나는 내가 뉴욕와서 거의 처음사귄 친구다. 대구에서 온애로 기억하는데 사투리를 재밌게 썼었다 ^^; 둘다 학교생활이건 영어건 전혀 안되서 의지를 많이 했었는데, 둘이 쪽지도 많이 주고 받았다. 그러나 그아이도 완전히 내가 받아들인 친구는 아니었다. 정말로 정말로 미안하지만, 비교했을 경우, 그쪽이 오히려 나를 더욱 절친한 친구로서 생각해 준거 같다. 그땐정말로 난 한국에 두고온 친구들생각에 푹 빠져있었기 때문에, 미나같은 아이와 친해져도 계속 그들과 비교하게 되는건 어쩔수 없었다. 그냥 같이 친하게 지낼 친구가 필요해서 일단 친구로 지냈을 뿐이라는 느낌도 들었다.오히려 금방 맘편한 친구를 만들어버리면 한국친구들을 배신 하는느낌까지 들었다. 써놓고 보니 남친/여친 둘이 오래 사귀다가 해어졌을때랑 뭔가 비슷한 상황 같지만 ^^;;;; 어쨌든 그만큼 내게 한국 친구들은 소중했던 거였다. 그래도 내가 미나를 그런식으로 대한거는 잘한게 아니다. 겉으로는 친한척 해도 마음이 따라가지 않으면 그건 가식이 되는거다. 미나는 분명 나를 속마음을 털어놀만큼 친한 친구로 생각했을텐데, 내쪽에서는 정작 중요한건 하나도 알려주지 않았다. 쪽지에 보니, “우리 평생 소중한 친구로 지내자” 라고 써져있던데, 지금은 미나가 어디서 뭘하고 있는지조차 모르겠다. 나로써는 지금까지 미나생각은 한두번 하지도 않았다. 난 정말 못되먹었다.

사람을 정말로 좋아하게 되면, 마음을 줘버리면 이렇게 고생하게 된다는걸 배웠다. 내가 누구든 쉽게 사귀지 못하는것도, 막상 친하게 지내도 한국에 있는 그애들처럼 마음을 줘버리지 못한다는건 뉴욕에 있을때의 기억을 아직도 지우지 못하는것 때문일까? 이제는 정착할때다 라고 내게 말해봐도, 난 하지 못한다. 한국을 떠나지 않았으면 어떻게 됬을까. 난 조금 다른사람이 되었을까? 적어도 이런생각은 하지 않겠지? 미국에 온것을 특별히 후회하지는 않지만, 내가 뉴욕에서 얼만큼 힘들었는지 미리 알수 있었다면, 난 죽어도 오지 않았을꺼다.

편지를 다시 보내고 싶다. 이메일은 너무 간단하고 쉽다. 편지처럼 받았을때의 기쁨과 두근거림은 이메일은 가지고 있지 않다. 방학이니까 친구들에게 하나씩 편지를 보내야겠다. 그런데 이 악필은 도저히 어떻게 할수없고… 고민되네-_- 분명히 유치원생 글씨라고 그럴텐데.. 에효 =_=

(어쨌던지 독일에 사는 예진씨, 이거 보면 주소좀 알려주길 바랍니다. (yup, I read urs too.. hehe) Surprise가 갈지도 모르니까… 그러나 기대는 금물!)

Cleared

I've finally decided to withdraw from the damn physics class that was stressing me out till the point where I felt like my head would explode. Man. It was the first lesson that I learned in college, and I had to re-learn it again. Like the nice counsellor/secretary at the advisor's office said: "If you don't like the teacher, drop it that day!!" I should've dropped it when I had the chance to. I didn't even look at when the deadline of drop day was. I should've notice it when half of the class dropped out in three days and switched into the other professor's class. Damn it. But it's no use thinking about what happened in past, because it cannot be changed. Better to just get up and look forward. Anyways, the reason for my withdrawal is that... basically I can't stand the class. I just can't stand the instructor, and I don't think I can even get a B in that class bcuz I have no idea what's going to be on the test. All he does is just show demonstrations and asking tricky conceptual questions. Every single student I've talked to who had him immediately changes their face expression to something like "oh I hated that person, I'm so sorry you have him now". No wonder there are less than 15 people on my class and 99 people on the other class. I wish I can somehow get into that other class like many other clever people did last week, but too late. So these were the options: I can do nothing but study physics all day for five weeks and get a B or possibly C in this class, or withdraw and take it later when I have time and get an easy A. The advisor in pharmacy school said that they don't mind W at all on the transcript, but they are going to look at every single grade I got from every class. And I can take the class after I apply, so timing works out as well. So it's obviously a better option to have W now and get A later. I'll instead spend time on studying for PCAT more and spend time with friends, family, and reading books and stuff. That's tons better than what I would have to go through if I stick to that class. It finally feels like 20 pounds of stone got removed from my head. Haaaaah. I'm exhausted, but feeling better now. Now I want to celebrate my freedom from the evil class. Call me people! I have time now!

세상사 새옹지마

옛날 중국 북방의 요새(要塞) 근처에 점을 잘 치는 한 노옹(老翁)이 살고 있었는데 어느 날, 이 노옹의 말[馬]이 오랑캐 땅으로 달아났다. 마을 사람들이 이를 위로하자 노옹은 조금도 애석한 기색 없이 태연하게 말했다. "누가 아오? 이 일이 복이 될는지." 몇 달이 지난 어느 날, 그 말이 오랑캐의 준마(駿馬)를 데리고 돌아왔다. 마을 사람들이 이를 치하하자 노옹은 조금도 기쁜 기색 없이 태연하게 말했다. "누가 아오? 이 일이 화가 될는지." 그런데 어느 날, 말타기를 좋아하는 노옹의 아들이 그 오랑캐의 준마를 타다가 떨어져 다리가 부러졌다. 마을 사람들이 이를 위로하자 노옹은 조금도 슬픈 기색 없이 태연하게 말했다. "누가 아오? 이 일이 복이 될는지." 그로부터 1년이 지난 어느 날, 오랑캐가 대거 침입해 오자 마을 장정들은 이를 맞아 싸우다가 모두 전사(戰死)했다. 그러나 노옹의 아들만은 절름발이었기 때문에 무사했다고 한다.

Long time ago, an old man who was good at fortune telling lived in place called Yose, north of China. One day, his horse ran off to a foreign land. The towns people tried to comfort him, only to find that the old man didn't show any signs of sadness. "Who knows? This might become a good luck", he said. Few month later, the horse came back, and brought with him an excellent horse from the foreign land. The towns people congratulated him, but the old man did not seem happy. "Who knows? This might become a bad luck", he said. Then one day, his son who loved to ride horses fell off from the foreign horse, and broke his legs. When the towns people comforted him, he just said calmly, "Who knows? This might become a good luck". One year later when foreign worriors attaked the village, all the young sons of the towns people got killed while fighting against the enemy. But the old man's son lived; he could not be in battle because of his defective legs.

Above is the story about origin of 새옹지마(Se-ong-ji-ma), a korean (chinese??) saying that means "life's good and bad times are changing constantly, so it is impossible to understand it". A korean/english dictionary simply called it "the irony of fate". It's suppose to be a lesson that teaches people not to be overly happy/sad about a situation, because nobody really knows what it'll bring. Laugh it off might be another way of saying it. The reason I brought this up is because I'm not very happy these days; things just seem to go in a wrong direction only. Nothing really works out nicely anymore. Frankly, I can't wait till this month is over. I decided to withdraw from my physics class because the teacher's crap, and I can't stand the class. If I think I can pull out at least a B, I'll definitely try despite hating the teacher, but it seems unlikely. At this rate, I'll be lucky if I can get a C. And I know I can get an A if I just switch the teacher. Well, too late now. The only solution is withdrawing, and I don't even know the instructor will even let me do that nicely. I'll have to try though. I won't take no for an answer. This whole thing frustrates me, because if I had known I could switch classes before the deadline, then I would not have this problem, like 20 or so other kids did. And if I can't take it during summer, that means I'll have to take it during semester, which complicates matters into a new unimaginable level. F. Withdrawing will leave W on my transcript, but it's tons better than a D. Things are just going bad, bad, bad for me, and I'm frustrated out. Should I say "who knows? this might bring me a good luck instead" and laugh over it?? Or just think things aren't working out, there's nothing I can do, and forget about it? I hate it when things do not go as I planned, especially when the planning took great deal of energy out of me. It's not my style to worry over and over about things that I can't do anything about, but I'm finding it hard to keep this out of my mind. This is one of the times when I think "I wish I can somehow turn the time around and go back to past, and fix everything for good". But it still is better to just forget about it now untill I can meet up with the advisor and figure things out, right?

I read about the old man's story when I was little. Back then I thought the old man was very wise, as the story made him look like. He's in control of his emotions; he does not show happiness, sadness, or anger. Now I think it different. I think he's inhumane. People who aren't sad when sad things happen, and doesn't feel happy when joyful things happen are not considered human to me. What's the point of living this world, if you can't feel either of these? You might as well be a piece of wooden block. It's part of living, and human can only be a human. And right now, I'm more human than I want myself to be.

Snowball

Today I had my first physics summer class... I thought I was in wrong class bcuz I came in late and the instructor had written "Natural Philosophy" on the board, so I asked a girl next to me and she said it was phys 122 LOL. The first impression of my summer class was... not very good. Well, first of all, summer classes are extremely boring. It's like a torture. I had expected it to be, and made myself to endure. That's all right. What's not all right is the teacher. He actually comes trying to teach something. I mean really teach something. And yes, he actually was prepared, reciting quotes from famous dead physicists and stuff. And worst of all, he doesn't seem to like the idea of having things easy, and wants people to talk and answer back. Wait till you see him staring back for two minutes just waiting for someone to speak. Like I'm going to raise my hand if he does that. For the whole 3 hrs 20min, we didn't have any break but worked on reviews and stuff. Arg. I really really sincerly hoped and prayed(<-- not really) it would be an easy and extremely boring don't-have-to-pay-attention, no hard work class, but my wish has been denied. I think I actually have to work in that class. Ugh. Who does that for summer?? But then when I think about it, I've never really had an easy summer class... hmm. And the second thing I don't really like is that I don't really like the girl I've been paired up with. She's probably a smart girl, which is good for me, but she has the artist's weirdness.... It's hard to describe, but people who have seen weirdly dorky artistic person (artistic meaning likes to draw in their notebook almost constanly, and some of them are really good), would know what I'm saying. People who look like they have created their own little world, and are living in it. She's a science major like me, but decided to go to art school when she's done with her bachelor's degree. And her name. (which I'll not mention.) I had not so pleasant experience with a girl who had the same name and even had similar characteristics with my current partner(man, she liked to draw too... but bad bad drawings) when I was in Junior High, and I'm a little reluctant to be too close with her. But I shouldn't judge people from their looks, and I should be more open-minded. Bad, ujean, bad. It's only for the summer though, right? It won't be so bad... even though it is excruciatingly boring.

Another thing I found out today. The hospital that I volunteer at will not let me park at their parking lot starting September, because too many university volunteer students use the hospital parking garage to park and go to their class while pretending too be volunteering. God #$^%&%* those stupid people. And because of those people, the university student volunteers can't park at the hospital??? Are you out of your mind? What about people who do not violate those things, like me? I have the university parking spot, and I don't need the hospital parking area to go to school, it's just way too far! I admit that the parking permit fees are freakishly high at the university; I have to pay $460 for one academic year. The cheapest I can get without having to walk 5 miles from my classes is $200 and something. (I want motorcycle--don't they pay only $60 or something?.) And I'm not gonna walk 40 minutes in blazing heat just to volunteer for 4 hrs and then walk back another 40 min to my car. It's ridiculous. What do they want me to do, quit volunteering? I mean, shouldn't they want people to volunteer? I think they should do something rather than just kick out student volunteers from parking lot, like issuing a permit to those who have university parking permits. If they won't let me park at their garage, I'm pretty much done with volunteering. It's another little thing that's pissing me off; first the camera, next the defective new camera, and now the stupid parking. I wonder what else is out their trying to annoy the heck out of me. Is my life just getting better and better or what??

sore

어우 요즘 왜이렇게 되는일이 없냐 -_-++카메라 도둑맞고, 새로 주문했더니만 5분안에 고장나고 (아예 켜지지가 않음.....!#$^*$%!@$%%.) 다시 return해야 하게 생겼네 쓰벌=_=. 엄마가 가계에다 가져다논 내 운동화도 어디갔는지 사라지고 없다. 그것도 새로 사야하나 -_-+++ 거기다가 왜 이탈리는 월드컵에서 이기고 난리야. 괜히 더 승질만 나네. 차라리 져버렸음 은근히 좋아했을텐데-_- 저번에 하이몬티가 이탈리 결승전에간다고 그렇게 좋아하던데 이번엔 또 이겨버렸으니 얼마나 난리일지, 안봐도 뻔하다. 어우 저번주 생각하면 정말 화만난다. 친구가 기분나빠하고 있는데 옆에서 좀 미안한척이라도 하면 덧나나? 걔는 정말 왜그렇게 혼자 난리냐?? 자기나라는 월드컵에 나오지도 못했으면서. 자기나라가 월드컵에 나간다고 그래도 분명히 이탈리응원할꺼다 아마. 무슨 이탈리아가 자기 나라도 아니면서 무조건 상대팀은 약잡아보고 상대팀 응원하는애들은 완젼 싫어하고. 거기다 저번에 누구? 독일이랑 했었다 그랬나? 이탈리아가 이기니까 그 상대팀 응원하는애 내일 만나서 놀려줘야겠다고 그러는데 애가 왜이렇게 유치하게 구는지-_-+ 뭣때문에 이탈리를 응원하냐고 물어봤더니 잘하는 선수들이 많아서 그렇다고 그러던데, 그럼 잘하는선수가 없어지면 바로 다른팀 응원할껀가? 응원이란건 잘해서 이길수있는팀을 골라서 하는게 아니라 뭔가 개인적인 프라이드같은데서 나와야하는거 아냐? 너무 그러니까 그냥 콱 떨어져버렸음 속이 시원하겠다라는 생각까지 들었는데... 이걸 내가 꾹 참고 친구로서 축하를 해줘야 하나 말아야 하나... 뭐 내가 축하해주던지 말던지 이미 혼자서 좋아 죽을테니까 별 큰 차이는 없겠지만. 내가 속이 좁은건지 애같이 구는건진 모르겠지만 맘에 안드는건 맘에 안드는거다. 이탈리 이긴거, 하이몬티때문이라도 맘에 안든다. 그래 나 속좁다 인간아 -_-+

썩을 -_-

젠장 친구 아이스크림케익 사다준다고 콜드스톤 들어갔다가 내 디카 도둑맞았다. ...mailto:...!!#@$%$@^....어우 열받아-_-+ 누군지 모르지만 훔쳐간놈 제발 오래오래 고통스러운 삶을 살기를. 누가 자기껄 훔쳐가봤어야 알지 -_-++ 링크도 없는걸 가져가서 어쩌겠다고 미친넘=_= 젠장 거금주고 하나 더 사야지... 아아 열받아; 내돈... 요즘 과외하던애들 다 한국으로 돌아가서 돈도 못벌고있는데... 하이몬티는 위로는 못해줄망정 무슨 긍정적인 생각을 하라면서 지 디카로 자기좀 찍어달라 너도좀 찍자... 아니 내 300불짜리 캠이 없어져가지고 이러고있는 차에 내옆에서 웃으면서 사진찍을 생각이 나냐? 뭐? 분명 돌려받을수 있을꺼라고?? 장난하냐 지금? 돌려줄라면 처음부터 왜 훔쳐가 훔쳐가길!! -_-+ 아우 진짜 분위기 파악 못하는데 미치겠다. 무슨 이탈리가 월드컵에서 준결승전 나간다고 좋은 운이 따를거라고 그러는데 내가 그거랑 뭔상관이냐고; 자기는 사람들은 본래 다 착하니까 돌려받을꺼라고 그러는데, 얘가 뭘 몰라도 한참 모르지, 이걸 낙천적인거라고 생각해야 하나 아님 눈치가 없는거라고 봐야하나. 우리가게에서 화장실에있는 전구까지 훔쳐가는게 걔가말하는 그 "사람들"인데, 계념없는 사람이 한둘이 아니다. 아우 진짜 그거 엄마가 대학입학선물겸 사준건데... 차라리 애니는 그냥 없어져서 미안하다고 자기도 어떤기분인지 안다고 그러고 말던데, 그게 하이몬티가 옆에서 난리치는것보다 100배는 났다. 근데 얘는 진짜 왜이렇게 눈치가 없냐??? 한국팀도 무조건 지난번 월드컵때 이탈리를 이겨서 싫다고 그러고. 뭐 이탈리를 이겼던 팀들은 일단 다 싫다고 했지만... 이나라도 이탈리를 몇년도에 이겨서 싫고 저나라도 옜날에 이겼기때문에 싫고... 자기는 무슨 이탈리아사람도 아닌주제에... 그럼 뭐 이탈리아한테 져준팀들은 좋냐?? 이탈리 결승전 간다고 좋아하는건 좋은데 내가 옆에서 카메라 도둑맞은거 때문에 기분나빠 하고있을때 그렇게 혼자서 좋아하고 있음 내가 어떻겠냐고-_-. 은근히 이기주위적이라니까. 처음엔 그런앤줄 잘 몰랐는데 가면 갈수록... 솔직히 어제 걔캠으로 찍은 사진들 다 지워져버렸음 좋겠다. 어우 뚜껑열린다 -_- 나쁜애는 아닌데말야. 제발 눈치좀 키워라 눈치좀.

어우 엄마는 언제온담-_-+ 집안이 완전.. 먹을것도 없고 에효 ㅠ_ㅠ 이게 이번년도의 bad luck 인가... 그래도 애니한테 red flower를 받았으니까 뭔가 부적삼아... 아아 짜증나아 ㅠ_ㅠ

시월애, Il Mare, or The Lake House

Today I decided to watch 시월애, a Korean movie known as Il Mare here. I had the video in my house for at least 4 years now, and never saw it until just now because before the cover didn't look very intersting to me, and I wasn't that interested in Korean movies. Anyways, after reading my friend's review of the movie on her Cyworld (like a myspace for Koreans??), I decided to watch it afterall... I have the video tape, and I got time, right?
Thirty minutes into the movie... and I literally sat up and yelled "This is the Lake House!!!" Yes, that was the Korean movie "The Lake House" was based on (or more like they remade it into American version). My other friend who loooves Korean movies (she's non-korean but knows more korean movies than I do) told me that there is original Korean Lake house, and back then I didn't even know what the movie The Lake House was about or the name of the Korean movie. What a coincidance that I just decided to watch it, and it turned out to be the movie we talked about.
I liked the movie, and wanted to see how the 2006 American version of the movie turned out. Well, the Rotten tomatoes thought it was a crappy movie, ranging around 35% or something. (Yahoo had slightly better reviews but... same all, same all). I visited their official site, and they did admit that it was a remake of the Korean movie that the producer saw when attending Pusan International film festival. He thought it had the universal massage that needed to be shown to the world, and Voila! The Lake House was created, with Keanu Reeves and Sandar Bullock as the main characters. I saw the preview... and I understood why they recieved so many bad reviews. First of all, Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock, or Kate and Alex (oh my god how American is that... but then the new movie's set in Chicago, not Korea. I guess any name would sound American... but did it really have to be Kate and Alex???), didn't really convinced me as the character I saw in the Korean movie. Alex seemed too spunky(??), and Kate looked too sassy, unlike the confused and hurt two people I saw in Il Mare. And they speak out everything that seems to creep up in their head and snicker, while in Korean version they choose not to say much on things they were thinking, but instead showed it by their gesture or facial expression. I didn't like how Sandra Bullock portraited the girl character either-- too Sandra Bullock-ish--, and I can't say much for Keanu Reeves bcuz the trailer didn't show him talking that much. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the American version is.... too out there, like shouting out to the world instead of whispering to someone quietly. It loses sort of the calm quality of the movie. If anybody's thinking of seeing the movie, I'd recommend Il Mare, the original Korean version, over The Lake House. The synopsis did look almost exactly the same though, except few changes to make it more American. (And the dog.... please stop...)

As for my review of the movie, it was very nice heartwarming and nice movie. The movie was well arranged; the plot didn't have any holes left out, and some of the scenes they shot were absolutely beautiful. I would recommend it to people who are interested in good foreign movies. There was one thing I wasn't sure about though... at the end...

**SPOILER WARNING: Do NOT read further if planning on watching either the Lake House or Il Mare!!!**



Ok. So I didn't really like how the end turned out. I never really understood how the time travel thing is supposed to work but... I understood that sunwoo (I think that was his name) died in a car accident trying to help the girl to get together with her lover. (I dearly wish Koreans would leave out Car accident as the key cause of either death or memory loss in Dramas and movies now, because it's getting very, very old). She realizes it at the end, and desperately sends the last letter to prevent his death, even though at the time of her sending the letter, it was said that Sunwoo is already dead. And suddenly there goes the time warp... time goes backward, and the letter prevents him from dying. Assuming that the time goes parallel with exactly two years of interval, and given that she sends the letter just in time so that Sunwoo reads it and do not go to the Cafe, I guess things make sense. Ok. What I don't understand is how he can have the letter in his hand and come to meet the girl just moving out, because that would stop the whole sequence of mailing each other including the moment she finds out that he dies and writes to him, making it impossible for him to have the letter in his hand in the first place. Ok. So let's say he reads the letter and lives, waits for two years to see her. Future is the product of past, and by changing the past the future changes. Bingo! That was my point!!! She changed the past from the future, and everything from the moment he sees the her last letter has to change. Meaning, he should be able to meet her at Jeju Island because he's alive, and that's when they decide to meet each other for the first time. So it doesn't make sense that Sunwoo talks to the girl as she's just moving out of the house, because that would stop everything from happening after that. And if he lives, she wouldn't even get to the point where she finds out that he dies, because he won't die this time(???). So it's like he dies(past), she finds out(Future), sends a letter to him (still future), he doesn't die(past)... and lives(past to present/future), which creates new future where the girl doesn't have to write the letter, but then he already has the letter from the future meaning it had already happened. Is time doing some kind of triple flip here?? I wonder if the Korean producers watched "Back to the Future"; like the Doc says, you can't mass with the past without risking affecting the future! I think I'm right, right? Like in "the Back to the Future" film, the last letter he recieves should disappear from his hand after the time when he is supposed to die. Ahhhh I predict mass confusion of the world if time travel will ever take place...